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Building up self-confidence: 5 tips

building up self-confidence
Simple yet powerful ways to feel confident  


We don’t enter the world with it. No one has it all of the time. Talking about it won’t help you gain it, and you need to work each day to grow it.


If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and disliked the person looking back at you or turned down an exciting opportunity because you didn’t feel good enough, you are not alone.

According to Dove’s Global Beauty & Confidence study, a staggering nine in 10 women opt out of important life activities such as engaging with friends and loved ones because they don’t feel good about themselves.

Rightly so, in recent times, questions have been asked of social media – and how realistic some of the filtered images shared by influencers are. We know deep down these images are altered deep down, yet they still impact our well-being.

When it comes to building up self-confidence, society offers us plenty of advice: Just be yourself; fake it till you make it; Dress for success – they’re all commonly cited. And while, in some circumstances, those phrases can be helpful, we believe that to construct a solid foundation of self-confidence, indeed, we need to dig a little deeper. For us, that means starting smaller with simple yet effective daily habits.

Here are five tips to get you started on building up your self-confidence:

1) Rank your confidence

In order to change, we need to understand how our confidence levels rank. How would you score your level of self-confidence out of 10? With 10 being high and one being low.

Next, imagine what higher levels of self-confidence look like for you. What would this new self-confidence allow you to do? How would your life change? What are some things that are acting as blockers?

Write down some examples of behaviours, habits, and feelings that your most confident self would have.

This first step will not only inform your confidence goals and form an action plan but will keep you motivated along the way.

2) Start taking action

Confidence is like a muscle. If unused, it remains weak. If used regularly, it grows stronger.

Using your new self-confidence vision that you compiled in step one to inspire you, you can now take action. Rather than racing to change everything at once, it’s better to assign yourself challenges with milestones to work towards each week.

This could be to step out of your comfort zone and sign up for a new class, it could be to say yes (or no) more often, or it could be finally having that difficult conversation with somebody you’ve been avoiding.

Remember to start small, and as your confidence grows, so too does the size of the challenges you set for yourself.

Some ways to set yourself up for success include:

●  Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself and avoid those who tend to trigger your negative thinking.

●  Fill your days doing what makes you happy. Make room for self-care in your routine and invest time in learning more about what makes you tick. The more you know about yourself, the more self-assured and confident you will start to feel.

●  Confidence starts from within. We tend to feel our best when following healthy habits that benefit our minds and body. Support your body with what it needs.

3) Challenge your inner critic

So you’ve started your confidence action plan, and everything is going well until you begin to hear the old familiar?

  • ‘You’re only going to fail’

  • ‘You don’t like meeting new people – stay in’

  • ‘Why can’t you do anything right?’

This ‘voice’ can genuinely destroy your self-confidence. And while a healthy amount of self-criticism is fine, when it starts to negatively impact your daily life or hold you back, it’s time to replace self-judgement with self-compassion.

Replace negative thoughts with the likes of:

  • ‘I can do this’

  • ‘I’m trying my very best’

  • ‘This is hard, but I’ll manage’

Those phrases might not come naturally at first, but they will come naturally and significantly help your mood with practice. It is a key to building up self-confidence.

4) Beware of the comparison trap

We all do it occasionally, but it’s easy for casual comparisons to turn into crushing envy. Common thoughts include:

  • ‘I wish I had her job’

  • ‘I wish I had her family’

  • ‘They are on holiday again! We never go anywhere’

  • ‘She’s so successful, I feel like a failure’

  • ‘Their house is so much nicer than mine’

Pretty much all of us are guilty of falling into the comparison trap at some stage or another but comparing yourself to other people can be very harmful to your confidence and is a sure-fire way to start feeling crummy about yourself.

If you focus on them, you ultimately start to lose sight of yourself, and by measuring yourself against others, you can rob yourself of the confidence that comes from believing in your own abilities.

Cultivate an inner trust based on doing the right things for yourself, and instead of comparing yourself to others, consider self-comparing instead. Check in with yourself regularly and compare your progress with when you started. By focusing on your own goals and achievements rather than measuring them against someone else’s, you may begin to see your self-confidence surge.

5) Become Your Own Cheerleader

The ongoing conversation you have with yourself is the single most important one. The little voice that tells you that you are KILLING IT can be way more powerful than you might think. Whether it’s kind or berating, the tone that we adopt for ourselves can determine the state of our mood, resilience, and ultimately our self-confidence on any given day. So be kind to yourself.

Make self-praise familiar by spending just a couple of moments each day complimenting yourself; celebrate your small wins as well as the big ones. Making a lovely meal for your loved ones – clean plates all around – it doesn’t matter if you do it every day; it deserves acknowledging and championing.

It’s time to raise your voice, claim your seat, stand tall, and own your self-confidence. Remember building up self-confidence takes time but know that KeyForHer is there every step of the way.

Be sure to check out other articles that will give you handy tips for feeling great!

Ready to feel like the best version of you?

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